Wait, what am I talking about. That is all day everyday. This is my life.
A few things happen and it all comes down at once.
Like peacefully floating in the sea, the small waves start growing bigger and bigger and bigger…then CRASH a huge wave pushes you under the water and the current is pulling you against your will.
It doesn’t take very much for me to repress before it all comes boiling to the top of my psyche; and I always feel so dumb for how excited I got before hand. Even though, in every blog post, in every journal entry, in every intimate conversation with my closest friends my enthusiasm was coupled with a realistic caution.
While I am thankful for that, I still get just as upset and confused as if I never saw it coming, as if I didn’t expect it.
Well I guess it would just be easier to spell it out.
So the guy I am dating is diagnosed with depression, as a result he doesn’t want to take on any responsibility, even though he is supposed to graduate college in a few weeks. He shrugged off his midterm and in result, forgot to take it and therefore failed his midterm.
His depression really doesn’t bother me, but I do tend to wonder what it is going to mean for us in the long run. Even though we aren’t planning for the future, it is only natural to think about the possibilities; so what if we make it far enough to living together and he can’t keep a job because of his depression, what if he forgets to pay the bills because of his depression…ect…ect…
So there we were and he was all down on himself for not taking his midterm on time and I am looking at him trying to figure out how to be there for him, trying to figure out what would be the best thing to say…then he looks over at me and snaps, “Stop staring at me!”
I was so embarrassed, I was so shocked, I felt so little and I felt so much anger rising in me that I just walked out of the house. He later finds me on the front porch; and now he is mad at me because I didn’t tell him where I was going, don’t worry I didn’t accept that. We started talking about his reaction, and he is mature enough to admit that it wasn’t the right reaction to have towards someone trying to help, and I am so impressed and thankful for that kind of partner.
I just can’t help but be concerned how much of this is going to be a pattern in our relationship. We have been together for about 2 months and so many intense emotions have already developed.
I would consider this our first real fight, but other arguments have come up as well. The other arguments have been about me drinking and being drunk around him. He is also a recovering addict so it is a bit tense when it comes to me trying to keep my social life alive and being romantic with him.
He didn’t, in any way, guilt me for drinking or try to stop me from drinking, in all honesty it has been my fault. I drove drunk one night and another night he was sleeping over at my place and I was so inconsiderate that I did not come home until 6am…so really that is on me.
Along with him being mature enough to admit when he is wrong, he can also see past my mistakes…I have never been with someone like him. I have always *wanted* to be with someone like him, but everyone before him was too egotistical to ever admit they did anything wrong and manipulative enough to make me feel like I was to blame, and too narcissistic enough to accept my flaws and selfish enough to dwell on them and try to guilt me for who I am.
I think these internal concerns of mine are a projection of my paranoia that he is going to leave me, then that leads to a disappointment in myself that I am becoming dependent; so I then start to detach by focusing on these “concerns.” I know they are valid concerns, but while I was typing everything out, especially the part about always wanting to be with someone like him, I realize that this is life, this is reality, this is what it means to be vulnerable in a relationship, this is what it means to accept a person for who they are and decide if they are worth working for; if they are worth risking your time and emotions for.
There is just so much racing through my head right now, and I know most of this wont make a lick of sense to anyone…I need time to adjust, to think and asses. Ugh I just want to go away.
According to the Pew Economic Mobility Project, children raised in high-income families who do not earn a college degree are 2.5 times more likely to end up wealthy than low-income students who actually do graduate from college.
LOL WOULDJA LOOK AT THAT? THE BOOTSTRAPS MYTH: GONE WITH THE WIND.
They actually needed a study for this?!
Latest research from the university of obvious put out by the department of “ya don’t say”
breaking news: water is wet
Jessica Rey presents the history of the evolution of the swimsuit including the origins of its design, how it has changed overtime and the post-feminist association of the bikini symbolizing female empowerment. She refers to neuro-scientific studies revealing how male brains react to images of scantily clad women versus images of women deemed modest and what the implications of the results are for women in society.
(Note: As the OP, I disagree with Rey’s approach to putting the onus on women to alter ourselves rather than to alter the male perception of women – brain wiring has plenty to do with socialization and if we worked against the culture that fuels men’s objectification of women, women’s clothing choices would matter far less in terms of how men perceive us and determine how to interact with us).
Get the fuck out
Imogen Heap helps invent gloves that will “change the way we make music”
I don’t think anyone could possibly imagine what having these would mean to me
HERE FOR THIS
I can’t believe this is actually happening like WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW X INFINITY
Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera would love this
don’t listen when people tell you not to be sad. sadness is valid. sadness is real. sadness is painful. pain is something that demands to be felt. suppressing sadness is unhealthy. let sadness flow through you. you are real. your feelings are valid. don’t ever feel guilty for feeling sadness.
Our Maafa (African Holocaust)
Husband consoles wife at the auction block.
David Newton’s superb memorial guarantees that these souls will forever be remembered in the universally honored spirit of triumph over adversity.
(David Newton’s Freedmen Memorial Park – Dallas, Texas)